Whether you’re in what’s called an ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationship or just going on a bunch of Tinder dates without fixing anything, there are a few ways to make sure you’re as safe as possible. , without being an asshole.
You must communicate clearly
Tell all the other partners what you are doing! ENM relationships are good, just like dating alone, but only if everyone knows it. If you are hiding something, ask yourself why.
On apps, you will come across many people with “ENM” in their bios or people who clearly state that they are not looking for anything “serious”. You will also meet many people who are not so ethically non-monogamous or who are not so clearly looking to go out or sleep. Be like the first group of people. It might seem awkward to have to admit on potential dates that you don’t really want something monogamous to blossom out of your meeting, but it’s less of a nuisance than having to tell them that they’re actually just one. relationship among many when they hit you with a third date “So what are we?”
If you’re worried that someone on your list is against it being a list, too bad. They have the right to oppose and not to be deceived.
In 2019 you may have seen a viral tweet who said, “Dating my last boyfriend was like being on the Single but not knowing that I was on the Single. “For this article, we caught up with its author, Sara Morse, a 23-year-old marketing administrator who is now in a monogamous relationship, to find out what she learned about being one of the many women in the world. list of a suitor.
Communication, she said, is key, even if it means that someone you are speaking with or dating will not want to continue down this path with you after hearing what you have to say.
“If my shitty ex had communicated with me that he was going to be a serial cheater, I would never have dated him,” she said. “It makes me feel like I’m not enough.”
Of course, definitions of what a “cheater” vary from person to person, and there are certainly people who will not feel like they are “not enough” if you tell them to. say you want to play on the field. Again, you have to talk about it. See, before Morse and this ex started officially dating, they figured they were both talking to other people. It was good ! The problems arose once they got serious and the walrus stopped talk to others, but not the boyfriend.
Be clear about your intentions, stick to them, and talk about them every step of the way, lest you become the subject of a viral tweet.
Be open to change
You can think you’re only interested in a summer of a bitch. You can think you only want non-monogamy. You may think that a parcel things that end up being totally irrelevant when you meet someone who changes everything.
Don’t block your own blessings just because you have some vision of how things should be or what you are capable of. Check in with yourself after dates, dates, and conversations to make sure you don’t fall for someone without realizing it. And if you are, go from there and don’t be afraid to go wrong.
Using condoms and other forms of protection goes without saying, but we’re still going to say it: nothing derails a bitchy summer or a freewheeling period like, oh, baby or chlamydia. Don’t do this to yourself and don’t do this to someone you don’t even want to engage with; you could both fix it on your own, which sucks.
This tip is especially important if you are going to ignore the first one. (No shadow, just saying.) If someone you casually see doesn’t realize that there are other people in your inbox and your bed, it’s really unfair for them to hit it raw or keep it a secret. These are just facts.
Also, consider this: If you are laid back and dating someone, your other partners might as well. It’s their right, isn’t it? You don’t know the other people they’re typing. Seriously, wrap it up before you touch it.
Learn more about yourself
Morse learned from his experience of being on a Single-as programming that it was not in any kind of non-monogamy, consensual or not. Mariella Mosthof, a 33-year-old cultural writer who has dated several people over the past decade, learned the exact opposite of herself when she first became part of a “truly wonderful and formative triad. with an older married couple “.
“I feel less weird when I date polyamorous,” she told Lifehacker. “I’m generally a very hungry person for deep engagement. When I am monog, I just feel too sensitive and feel like I’m doing “too much” or trying too hard. I tend to focus too obsessively on the one person / relationship which always kills her. My disposition lends itself better to polyamory, where I can pour some of this intense energy into each container. It’s a healthier mental balance for me.
Whether you are engaged in polyamory or dating on your own, you will learn a lot about everyone you date, but you can also learn a lot about yourself. Take this opportunity to find out who you are and what you want. Then you will not only be the best possible partner for your many lucky companions, but also for yourself.
“Feel your feelings until the end and as brazenly as possible,” Mosthof advised. “You are not special and your problems are not unique, that is, you are not alone! Treat everything, identify your needs, and try again. Or not!”