‘Heel’ Jake Paul out early, Mike Tyson gets the biggest cheer, Anthony Joshua bundled up on the top rope and Tyson Fury outlasts Oleksandr Usyk and Floyd Mayweather
What a weekend it was for WWE’s most iconic match – the Royal Rumble – but what if boxing held its own 30-man battle royal?
talkSPORT has taken the biggest and best of boxing’s current superstars pound-for-pound. Also, WWE-style, a few former champions or promoters wielding a megaphone surprise to see who will end up victorious.
Getty Images – Getty
Exhibition boxer-turned-YouTuber Logan Paul wowed many onlookers and millions at home with his athleticism at the Royal Rumble
The rules are the same: 30 contestants, top rope eliminations, and a single winner. It becomes the BoxingMania title. Now let’s reveal the ranking of the least likely winners, before Top Rank chief Bob Arum hears about it and tries to stage it this summer.
30. Jacques Paul
Forced into the ring with a few real boxers who aren’t ex-NBA players or aging UFC fighters, ‘The Problem Child’ – and brother of Royal Rumble contender Logan – is pulled back to the rope superior with a clean punch. It’s sad to lose such a high heel early on, but we’ll do our best to live with it.
29. Eddie Hearn
Utilizing Shane McMahon’s “Here Comes The Money” theme song, the “Million Dollar Manchild” arrives smiling to an electrifying chorus of boos to last about as long in the ring as one of the early career opponents of Anthony Joshua. Fast car; quick exit.
28. Chris Eubank Sr.
With Eubank Jr out of action, his old man enters wearing a monocle, cane, pinstripe suit, and top hat. Unfortunately, his ring entrance takes so long that his opponents gather by the waiting ropes and, after he enters, pull him out. Just not the best look.
Mark Robinson/Matchroom
Hearn could be out almost as soon as he steps into the ring
27. “Rocky Balboa”
Sly Stallone has fans cheering with a surprise entrance, playing his iconic movie character Rocky. Sadly, the Hollywood legend is A) 76 and B) has only ever acted out fighting. There’s no place for pretending in the serious world of WWE – it goes beyond that.
26. David Haye
The returning two-weight world champion appears with his good looks and shredded physique. However, his body is secretly taped down and the opening moves see Haye bombarded over it. He had points himself at the time of the stoppage, however.
Instagram: @davidhaye
Haye looks like he could still mix it up with the elite
25 & 24. Terence Crawford and Errol Spence
Huge shock as two pre-Rumble favorites are eliminated together. The two arrive at the same time, then stand there waiting for the other welterweight to enter the ring first. The other contestants grow weary of their stall, pull them into the ring, then soon throw them both out.
23. Dillian Whyte
Impressive Jaws/Werewolf entry, but “Dillian the Villain” made so many enemies over the years that he fell, strangled and slammed through a table before being gently kicked out. Whyte later insists the push did all the damage.
22. Bernard Hopkins
The crowd appears for a surprise comeback – the masked “executioner” – until he steps into the ring and begins to painfully hold and struggle. Joe Smith Jr eventually comes out of the crowd and beats B-Hops through the ropes. Bernard complains bitterly. Everyone ignores him.
MIkey Williams / First Row
Wilder could tire before even reaching the ring with his elaborate outfits
21. Deontay Wilder
Emerges shouting “bomb squad” and dressed in his best “kinky Sauron” outfit, but is so heavy that by the time he steps into the ring, pre-Rumble favorite Wilder runs empty and a sitting duck to overthrow. Presents a list of 1,001 excuses why he lost on Monday’s RAW.
20. Josh Taylor
‘Rowdy Roddy Taylor’ isn’t happy (when does he?) about having to don a kilt and bagpipes, but shows off his skills before arguing with rising star ‘Jack El Gato’ at the ringside, resulting in the elimination of distraction. Cue a fight all around the arena with Jack.
19. Oscar De La Hoya
The promoter is doing much better than Mr. “Earn with Hearn” thanks to his former idol pound for pound. However, when “The Golden Boy” spots “Stone Cold Dana White” in the audience, he becomes so enraged that he eliminates himself to hunt his chrome-domed rival.
18. Andy Ruiz Jr.
As for the new, slimmer Ruiz Jr, he still boasts the Yokozuna-style build that has won Rumbles past. Besides, who the hell will release it? Unfortunately, the titantron accidentally starts showing the “highlights” of his rematch with Anthony Joshua and the great Andy falls asleep.
17. Gervonta Davis
Get out in a real army tank and start knocking out enemies in the ring. However, Davis loses interest when he realizes a shot at a much more respected world title – the WWE Championship – is on the line, rather than his beloved WBA “regular” belt. A surprisingly early release.
Amanda Westcott / SHOWTIME
Davis could quickly lose interest in his Rumble match
16 & 15. Jermall Charlo and Jermell Charlo
A double DQ! ‘J Charlo’ goes through the early stages until it’s spotted that the identical pair pull off a classic wrestling ‘twin magic’ and swap roles while a brother lurks under the ring. Instant disqualification (but a shot at the tag team titles awaits you).
14. Anthony Joshua
WWE booker Triple H’s eyes light up as the towering and handsome Adonis heads to the ring. Cleans the house early but gets caught while updating his Instagram story in the middle of Rumble and gets packed. Triple H still reserves a pose for him at WrestleMania against John Cena.
Angel Fernandez – Instagram
Despite an elimination, AJ still gets the big match with John Cena
13. Gennady Golovkin
Past his prime at 40, but ‘Triple G’ is still as tough as they come and the Kazakh is set for a run towards the end until a desperate opponent reminds Golovkin that Chris Eubank Jr thought once he could beat him at his peak. Collapses in laughter and is eliminated.
12. Ryan Garcia
Handsome, fast, flashy (if unproven) with a huge social following – you know WWE pulls all the stops to make sure “King Ry” goes deep into the Rumble. However, when an overly rough headlock ruins Garcia’s perfect hair, he is unable to save himself.
11. Vasili Lomachenko
Even slowing down and pushing past his best, Loma’s footwork is so mesmerizing that who could even catch “The Matrix” let alone throw him out of the ring? Eventually, upcoming opponent Devin Haney rushes in to sneakily trip Lomachenko, sending him spinning on the top rope.
10. Mike Tyson
The return of crotch-cutting DX superstar “Iron Mike” receives the loudest standing ovation of the night. As he showed against Roy Jones, even a mid-50s Tyson still has enough old moves to bludgeon a few enemies – but Mike is just too, uh, soft now to go all the way. Eliminated in 10th.
When Tyson’s music starts, the room explodes with joy
9. Shakur Stevenson
With his speed and silky-smooth skills, the sleek southpaw Shakur is seen as a potential pound-for-pound future No. However, boxing – like WWE – is about replacing old stars in decline, not promoting youth. A bunch of veterans get together to pack the slickster.
8.Floyd Mayweather
Yes! The return of the ultimate heel ‘Money’ drives the crowd wild. Goes far thanks to his WWE experience sneakily destroying The Big Show, but when a mid-Rumble offer to spare Prince Harry on a helipad in Dubai for a Netflix special arrives, Floyd is out ASAP.
7.Joe Joyce
‘Big Juggernaut’ is just the kind of beefy, relentless heavyweight built to go deep in any Rumble match. Unfortunately, her attempts at chatter prove so lame that Triple H himself sneaks into the ring and pedigrees “Double J” just to make sure Joyce isn’t victorious. Boo!
6. Artur Beterbiev
The bearded knockout king showcases his Ric Flair-esque ability to bleed profusely and still compete. He doesn’t even seem to notice that he’s being eliminated and keeping people like Street Fighter’s Zangief out. Brutal.
5. Naoya Inoue
“The Monster” has knockout power and a perfect nickname for pro wrestling, but if you think WWE is going to let a technically brilliant little hipster fan favorite from Japan win the Rumble, then you have something else to come. Comes out fifth and the hardcore boxer tears up his tickets.
4. Oleksandr Usyk
Very feel it. Comes out with wild eyes, dancing in his underpants to swell the crowd. Size and skill take him far, until he gets his belly flopped off the top rope by a sneaky rival. Excruciatingly close but no cigar for extremely powerful Ukrainian power.
Getty
There would only ever be one winner here
3. Canelo Alvarez
With his garish D&G pajamas and iron jaw, this popular babyface is a pro wrestling dream who’s about to add his PPV draw power to the main event of BoxingMania 2023. Unfortunately, the Luchador’s Rumble at the red hair ends when it meets our no. 2.
2. Dimitri Bivol
The stone-faced Russian is equally underrated and unwavering, showing masterful leadership in the ring to advance to the final two… only to be undone by the size of his final opponent (and a mysterious mariachi guitar him). cracking the head from the outside).
1. Tyson’s Fury
At the height, the experience of WWE and fiery promotions to go all the way. “The Gypsy King” is slippery in the ring and no rival can grab his love handles to throw him over the rope. The winner! Start the “American Pie”… wait, who’s that masked Ukrainian sneaking up behind Fury with the chair?
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