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So if there’s anything we’ve learned from COVID, it’s that our leaders and experts lie and they suck.
That’s it. Good night everybody.
First, a leader, so-called VP leader Kamala Harris, or as Joe calls him, President Harris, as she tries to string together a few words, like cheap, half-blinking Christmas lights , and she is the weakest bulb.
INTERVIEWER: Six former administration officials wrote this open letter last week urging the administration to change course, change strategy. It’s time?
VICE PRESIDENT KAMALA HARRIS: It’s time for us to do what we’ve been doing, and that time is every day. Every day it’s time for us to agree that there are things and tools that are available to us to slow this thing down.
Hmm, that moment is everyday. Wow. It’s like the lyrics to a song. It’s not a word salad – it’s a turd salad with a voter’s regret dressing.
BIDEN WHITE HOUSE PUMMELED FOR DEPLOYMENT OF COVID TESTS TO BE SHIPPED “WITHIN 7-12 DAYS OF ORDER”
She just starts speaking, hoping the words line up like kids in the school cafeteria, but instead they scatter like a deck of cards in a strong wind. Two related metaphors.
It’s funny — the Dems were hoping his youthful enthusiasm would rub off on Biden, which is hard to do because they’ve only been in the same room twice in the last year.
But instead, Biden’s inconsistency rubbed off on her. Apparently it’s as contagious as the omicron. Here is a comparison.
PRESIDENT BIDEN: Count the vote. Count the vote. Count the vote.
HARRIS: I urge people to – you can google it or go to any search engine and find out where the free testing and the free testing site is available.
BIDEN: And to help run our federal testing program, I talked, I talked, I — excuse me, I called in Dr. Tom Inglesby. I hope I pronounce Inglesby correctly.
HARRIS: I have to watch the current news. I think it’s going to be by next week – but soon, absolutely soon. And it is an emergency for us.
INTERVIEWER: Should we have done this sooner?
HARRIS: We do.
INTERVIEWER: But should we have done it sooner?
HARRIS: We do.
Yeah. Wow. It’s like she’s caught a new variant. Call him Joe-micron. It rots the brains of mediocre politicians.
No wonder they inspire as much confidence as a doctor in the operating room wearing a female body inspector t-shirt.
Speaking of doctors, this week we found that our top scientists thought COVID had in fact leaked from a lab, but they were too worried that further debate would harm science in China.
Yeah, because the last thing we want to do is shut down these lab experiments they’re doing on caged poodles and Uyghurs.
This, according to newly emerged emails in which an expert admitted nearly a year ago that a likely explanation was that COVID had rapidly evolved into a low-security lab.
REP. COMER, JORDAN EXPOSE NEW FAUCI EMAIL AS THEY SAY UPDATE ON ‘COVERED’ COVID-19 LAB LEAK
Yeah, a low-security lab, you know, maybe that’s me, but it seems like the worst kind of lab, at least for messing with deadly viruses.
Kat follows better safety protocols when making meth in her garage.
The email to Fauci and NIH’s Dr. Francis Collins suggests a virus was primed for rapid human-to-human transmission.
That’s a pretty big woops, even bigger than Biden’s daily and pants.
So what did the experts do? Did they take action to bring out the truth?
Big luck, my Friday friends.
They feared that even discussing gain-of-function research would unnecessarily harm science in general, and science and China in particular. Francis Collins warned that this could damage international harmony – it is true.
They kept silent not to protect you, but to protect the feelings of the brutal and lying dictatorship which is as sensitive as a chubby child on TikTok.
Speaking of harmony, what was Collins, the former head of the NIH, doing rather than telling us the truth? This:
DR. Francois COLLINS [To the tune of “Somewhere over the Rainbow”]: Somewhere after the pandemic when we are free, there is a life that I remember full of activity.
You know, this is a time when I envy the dead. I think my ears will accuse me of murder.
So, yes, Nero played the violin while Rome burned. And while a pandemic raged, Francis played his guitar like a f—— camp counselor ruining your s’mores.
So the emails reveal that scientists were less interested in science than politics and felt it was better to hide the origins of a deadly virus than to be open with those of us who were about to die.
Now there were people like us who knew the virus probably came from that lab. Some were scientists, and they were made fun of. Some have been called racist.
Yet privately, the mocking pundits agreed with them. And yet they let people hang around who said that publicly just to protect their own a—- and their own grants.
They said we were crazy with tin foil hats telling us to wear masks in our cars. Empty parks and swimming pools.
This raises a point: how sane were the scientists in the first place? They created a deadly virus, thinking they could then reverse engineer a vaccine in the name of science.
Why not just create the virus? Then you don’t need to reverse engineer the vaccine.
They’ve already made vaccines to fight natural viruses, so we really didn’t need to invent new, deadlier, scarier ones.
But hey, where’s the fun in that if you want to play God and continue sucking the government’s teat, which leads to the bigger question: accountability.
I’m not saying that this man-made virus was leaked on purpose. I’m pretty sure no one really wanted to kill more than 10 million people, but in this arrogant and murky universe, experts knew there was a risk of a deadly man-made virus leaking out, but they have deemed the risk acceptable.
And when it happened, they blamed the wet market, which is pretty much a crude version of Trader Joe’s.
Well, just down the street, the researchers were bustling about like a bunch of crazy professors – how convenient. The pandemic has nothing to do with scientists, say scientists.
And so Republicans had to force their hand to grant access to the documents after these scientific institutions repeatedly resisted efforts to clean themselves up.
And these emails show that scientists were already trying to silence any debate, saying it would distract top researchers from their active duties.
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Yeah, the way a nuke heading for New York would turn people away from going to work. So don’t tell them.
Collins feared that the voices of the plot would quickly dominate, perhaps because in this case those voices were right, and Collins’ awful singing can no longer drown them out. So they covered up the truth, and now we all cover our faces.
They knew the lab leak was more real than they were letting on, and now we’re left with millions dead. Call it manslaughter, but the crime was in the bet. They decided to roll the dice. It was an accidental release, but born of a risk they happily accepted, like a drunk driver getting into his car.
Sure, someone might get killed, but it probably won’t be me.
They put their reputation above human lives. To them, you were nothing more than the contents of a petri dish.
So what’s the punishment for that?
Shit, even in the most liberal hole in town, they’d make you post bail.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue in the January 14, 2022 edition of “Gutfeld!”