I know because I have autism.
As a child and teenager, all I wanted was to be like someone else. I did everything to curb my natural urges. I arranged for my meltdowns to take place when I was alone in my room so as not to burden others with the weight of my wordless emotions. I took what people said at face value, rather than trusting my instincts. I overanalyzed every social interaction.
I watched the movie “Clueless” and the TV show “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” over and over. I practiced physical gestures, like smiling and making eye contact in my bedroom mirror, and I performed them at school, at parties, at dinner, at college, on dates, and in different places. of work.
I spent over a decade in therapy going through misdiagnoses (“you’re depressed”, “you’re anxious”, “you’re manic”, “you have an eating disorder”, “you need help with an adjustment disorder”, “you seem to be having suicidal thoughts”) because my behavior stemmed from the belief that something was wrong with me and that I had to compensate for it by becoming someone one that I was not. It never occurred to me that I could be designed differently than others and that fighting against that was a losing battle.
Your child is perfect. Beware of what doctors, teachers, family members or friends say to the contrary. Even the best-meaning people can be misinformed and misguided when it comes to understanding children and adults on the spectrum.
It doesn’t help that definitions of autism are clinical and dehumanizing. When medical and scientific establishments have a hold on the narrative of certain types of people, they weaken them and everyone around them. I mean, nobody wants their child to be considered messy. Nobody wants them to be underestimated by others and their identity to be synonymous with being an asshole.
So I would like to add some sparkle to the damaged narrative. There really is no need to cure autistic children, or to apologize on their behalf, or to change them. All you have to do is listen to them with your heart. Then you have to accept their autistic ways. Because whenever they share their needs, and whenever you do your best to meet those needs, you are respecting the deeper needs of society.
nytimes Gt